


I will be your heart

by Criscpi



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:02:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29946951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Criscpi/pseuds/Criscpi
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 8
Kudos: 16





	1. Truth.

Someone knocks on my door.  
"Sander...."  
What is he doing here? Does he have to rage again?  
"Hmm?"  
Jens. What the hell did he want?  
"We need to talk."  
"Problems in Heaven?"  
"No. I mean...It's about Robbe."  
It's times like these that I forget I have to breathe. Something had happened and it had the idea of being something extremely bad. Serious.   
Jens' voice is broken, his eyes dull and glossy. I can't speak. I can't  
tell him to come in: I simply open the door to tell him with a gesture.

Jens shuffles inside my apartment.  
"I know it's been months, but...Robbe before.... he asked about you.  
Actually he asks about you all the time.   
And I... "

I don't know whether to hug him or smash his face in.  
But Robbe asked about me and I need to know. I have to. It's about Robbe. My Robbe. Who I haven't seen in three months. Since my heart was shattered.  
"Jens cut to the chase, then you can feel sorry for yourself."

Jens takes a deep breath:  
"A week ago Robbe had an accident. She had headphones on, he was jaywalking and the car hit him. He is... in serious conditions.”

"How serious?"  
I use a few words to avoid plunging   
into despair.

"I don't know...he won't wake up."  
"And he's been asking for me."  
"Ever since I tricked you two apart he's been asking for you. Every day.”

"You're his boyfriend Jens you handle this."

Jens turns pale and seems to make himself small.  
"I was never his boyfriend. I let you think that so you wouldn't see each other."

I slam him against the wall.  
I think I hurt him pretty bad  
"You're telling me I was devastated for three months because of you and your fucking lies?  
You mean that night if I had asked Robbe to talk..."

Jens lifts his head back up to futilely try to face my gaze   
"Yes, you'd be damn happy together fucking yes!   
And I tried so hard to take your place Driesen, but...he was still hoping to see you again."

My face remains expressionless. I had to keep my cool for Robbe.  
"Where is he now?"

Jens hands me a piece of paper. Hospital and room number. 

"Go away, I have to go to Robbe now. But this isn't over Stoffel. You've hurt the feelings of too many people not least of all your best friend."

I push him out and start running to the hospital because I need air and to not think: I focus on the aching muscles, the dehydrated lips.  
But nothing scratches the image of Robbe in a hospital. 

I get to him.   
I ask for information and they tell me he's in a coma but not a medically induced one.  
They say they don't know the reason for his deep sleep. They say he may or may not wake up . 

I go in.  
There are no strange noises or tubes in his throat.... just an IV   
He sleeps. My angel is asleep. His chest drops and rises with regularity.   
"Hey... Jizermans it's Sander. I'm right here. I'm staying here until you wake up...I need to tell you a few things..."  
Please my little heart...come back to me

I hold his hand tightly in mine for hours. I doze off now and then and cry silently.   
I rest my lips on the back of his hand and truly fall asleep.

I wake up to someone's warm hand on my shoulder. Her mother. I hug her because she has the same wonderful smile as her son.   
"I...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to...abandon him I.... had nothing to do with it...I want to...."  
I can't. the tears become sobs.

"Sander I know... Jens... he made a mistake... he"

"Can we not talk about that horrible guy until Robbe wakes up? He'll be the one to decide..."

His mom strokes me.  
"Sander what do you want to do?"  
"Can I stay for the night ma'am? I'd just like to catch up on my sketchbook and freshen up a bit."  
"Go on, we'll wait here with a cup of coffee."  
I give her a kiss on the cheek and rush home. 

Jens tries to call me.  
After refusing 5 calls I decide it's time to answer.

I don't even say hello, I just press the green button.   
"How is him?"  
I decide to put my hatred of him on hold. 

"Same as yesterday, so his mom says.I'm staying with him tonight."  
"Sander..."  
"No Jens. No. No excuses. No explanation. Robbe has priority. He'll know and he'll decide, I don't have words sharp enough to throw at you right now."

I turn off my phone and retrieve my things to get back to where I was always supposed to be: next to Robbe.


	2. Awakening

Five days had passed. Days in which I kept shuttling back and forth between life and that damned deep, peaceful sleep of Robbe.  
Automa by day and guardian of  
of my love at night. 

I would always walk to get to him, to get the energy I needed to stay sane, to remind myself that there was still hope, that he would make it and that we, together, would have a chance too.  
I was standing in front of his door when my mom calls me.

"Honey, how are you?"  
"I want to cry every minute mom, but I'm hanging in there."  
"No news then."  
"No, not yet."  
"Are you eating Sander? And sleeping? Are you asleep?"  
"Yesterday Robbe's friends brought me a pizza...tonight I already had dinner at home."  
"You can't go on like this."  
"I'll do it, as long as my strength is on my side.”  
"Sander, you need to rest too."  
"I take the pills and sleep next to Robbe. I sleep enough, believe me mom."  
"Alright, but..."  
"But at the slightest hint of trouble I'll stop for a while."

She was right. After all, she was  
My mom.

That evening everything seemed to be  
usual: Robbe is asleep, I'm holding his hand  
his hand and tell him about the day and how much I missed him.  
Tonight I am especially tired and desperate. I wanted back with all my heart what Jens had taken away from me.  
As if that wasn't enough, his speech kept coming back to me:

"Sander I will tell you once: Robbe and I are together, we love each other; I would ask you to leave him alone. I know he likes you but he's my boyfriend and you can't ruin that."

My heart had broken needlessly. Robbe had never been with Jens.   
Robbe and I still had a chance. Did we? Really?  
As I cried, I started singing David Bowie:  
He was always my soundtrack in complicated moments....  
I whispered the lyrics to Heroes into Robbe's ear...   
the song was ringing in the air as our eyes met and our lips connected.  
I had discovered happiness, I had Robbe next to me... I didn't have time to continue with my negative thoughts, but his hand shook mine.  
Was he really squeezing it?   
Was he really really?

"Robbe...my love...."  
That was my place that was our moment.  
I was breathing hard: that hope that a few minutes before seemed to be sinking in, suddenly had all the air of knocking violently and overpoweringly inside me.

Robbe opened his eyes with difficulty as if there was a blinding light despite the half-light:   
I'm not making any hysterical scenes, I'm too busy losing myself in those eyes that though fatigued and surrounded by black circles under the eyes, I hadn't seen in too long. They were beautiful.  
I don't move and wait for him to fully awaken.   
"Sander... "  
His voice is rough, thirsty.  
"I'm here..."  
"I heard you...the whole time...but I couldn't open my eyes...then the song...our song..."  
His words rip through my heart.   
"Yes our song...remember?"  
He nods making his beautiful curly hair move.  
"I need to tell you something."  
He whispers  
"I'm listening"  
"I love you...I was afraid I couldn't tell you anymore."  
I was finally crying with joy. Finally those three months had been erased. Because he was Robbe and I was completely, irrevocably connected to him.  
"I will never go away from you again love because I love you too...You don't know how much..You know that right?"

He smiles, nods, and closes his eyes again.   
"Sander?"  
"Tell me."  
"We better warn a few people that I woke up what do you say?"

I smile. He was back. My Robbe was back.


	3. Draw me

Jens had been watching and studying them for days, weeks.  
They laughed and touched each other whenever they could. They didn't know it yet but he did, he knew. He knew they were falling in love.   
Robbe was his best friend and he was losing him. He was losing the evenings, the pranks, the afternoons at the Skate park...  
He knew it was going to happen because the same thing happened when he was with Jana...would he put up with it? No.  
Sander was taking his Robbe away from him. His.  
He had to do something...and maybe he had half an idea how to do it. 

When I hear the door open and see Jens, the happiness I felt a few hours earlier disappears  
"What are you doing here?"  
"I'm staying his best friend Sander. I know he's awake."  
I laugh hysterically  
"Well, then if you're his best friend tell him why I haven't been by his side for three months. But tell him the truth. Because if you fill him with lies again you're going to have to get familiar with these walls because I'm going to make you stay there for a long time."

"You're never going to forgive me are you?"

I sigh.

"I don't know. It's going to be hard.You hurt me so badly Jens and for free. You broke my heart knowing you did it, and the worst part is that you did it to your best friend too....  
We had kissed two days before, you know? And we were going to talk about it at the party...but you blocked me, lied to me and pretended to be his boyfriend. Would you forgive yourself?"

"Honestly? No.I disgust myself."

"That's the least you could try.  
I'm going to get something to eat now; he's asleep...just make sure you leave him alone okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

Jens approaches and Robbe seems to be sleeping  
He seems to be because he is actually crying.   
"Why Jens? Why did you do that? You knew...you knew how I felt..."

Jens moves a little closer but  
Robbe shifts, as if afraid.   
Robbe was afraid of him and to Jens the situation was beginning to clear up sadly in his head.

"I...I thought I was in love with you Robbe and didn't want to lose you...instead I was just jealous. jealous of what you have that I haven't found yet."

"It's not my fault, and it's not Sander's fault either..."

"Now I know, Robbe...I really don't know..."

"Go away, Jens. Leave me alone for a while. I want to stay with Sander, I've always wanted to and I need to make up for 3 months lost because of you."

"But...are we still friends?" He was terrified. He could have lost everything and it was all his fault

"Are you really asking me that Jens? After days in a coma and months of crying on your shoulder what you're asking is if are we still friends? Are you serious? I don't know. You have definitely and for an unlimited time lost the quality of my bestie. Now go."

"I'm...I'm sorry Robbe...I will try patiently and carefully to regain your trust."

"Stop lying to me and always be honest and maybe one day we can even rebuild something."

Jens wipes away tears and nods.   
Leaving Robbe knowing the pain it has caused him is heartbreaking.   
He will have to work hard to recover but for Robbe it is worth it.

When I return, Robbe is alone and has sat up on the bed.  
"How are you, Jens..."

"I know enough. The rest maybe you can tell me at your leisure. Now I'd like to take a shower: would Sander help me?"  
"S....sure."

Undressing Robbe is difficult. Because my stomach can't contain all the passion and desire I'm feeling.  
He looks at me 

"Is everything okay?"

"To tell you the truth, no. Despite the coma days and the loss of a few pounds you remain perfect."  
He remains silent for a few seconds.  
"Draw me Sander."

I swallow loudly. "Now?"

"Yes, now."

I run to get my pencil and start marking its outlines on the paper...I'm lost in my own world for a few minutes until....  
I set down the pencil and the scrapbook and move closer:  
With one finger I follow the lines of his body without speaking.   
Then my hand accompanies his head towards my face:  
Our noses touch, our mouths are a few inches  
I don't kiss him, but I caress Robbe's lips with my tongue; then he pulls me away and smiling I whisper in his ear

"Hurry up and get out of here or I'll go crazy."

Robbe has always been shy but at that moment he gets bold and says to me:

"You can have me right now Sander. Here. Now."

I'm stunned for a few seconds; then I suck on the skin of his neck and say:

"God you don't know how much I want this, but for once I'd like to get it right: a walk, a kiss on the door, and a decent bed to boot.   
Then we can even do it on the roof of the art school at that point."

Robbe nods in amusement.  
"I can't wait to get out of here...so I can be with my boyfriend."  
My heart stops for a moment

"So...I'm your boyfriend Robbe?"  
I couldn't believe it. What I had dreamed about for months is happening.

Robbe walks over and caresses my face.

"Yes, you are. Since long before we kissed and you've been all this time. "I rub my nose against his.

"Hurry up and get out my muse."

"I'll make it as fast as I can.  
Kiss me first though Sander. I don't want to wait anymore."

Finding his lips again, finding his breath on mine, finding his scent again....  
I was going to remember this night as the best night ever.


End file.
